copyright Roger Bultot
The phone rang immediately. Of course.
Be strong. I picked up the receiver.
“Josh,” the female voice said. “You covered your camera again.”
“Look, I’m just not comfortable—“
“Josh.” She was chiding. “It’s for your own good. How many lives does SIS save?”
Everyone knew the statistics. Special Interior Surveillance saved 47,000 lives a year. They said.
“What if you have another panic attack? Like last month? We need to see to help you.”
My chest was already tightening at the thought. “Okay,” I mumbled.
She made a kissing noise into the phone. “Thanks, Josh. SIS loves you, remember?”
Last week, an email was leaked to the public that included some rejected ideas for new Apple projects. Here are a few of them:
iRate: an app that lets users search rates for everything from insurance to plane tickets, all in one easy place.
Reason for rejection: severe customer dissatisfaction.
iScream: A glasses/earbud combination that turns daily life into a horror movie, complete with lighting and soundtrack.
Reason for rejection: test users still won’t go down into their basements.
iHop: an exercise regime app that centers around hopping through daily activities in order to burn more calories.
Reason for rejection: users always end up making pancakes.
iAye: a device for the military that turns recruits into trained killers in record time.
Reason for rejection: the military runs strictly on Windows.
iLand: a device that cuts users off from the world, keeping them isolated from meaningful relationships and distracts them with mind-numbing substitutes.
Reason for rejection: made redundant by most existing technology.
iCon: a $2000 device made of molded plastic and aluminum that sits on your shelf and plugs into a 110V connection
Reason for rejection: no perceivable purpose