I’m back again. Don’t worry, I haven’t died or given up writing. On the contrary, I’ve been hard at work on several novels I’ve been writing since last fall. They’re almost done, and I’m hoping to get back to writing for the blog more regularly.
Pay to Play Pedagogy
Exams at BDV For-Profit High School were about to begin. Jamie donned his VR goggles. The scene changed to a snowy forest.
A Viking charged him, ax raised, shouting “Imperative!”
“Die!” Jamie screamed and stabbed it.
Another ran from his right. “Future!”
“I will destroy you!” The Viking died like the first.
An arrow whistled from the darkness. As he died, Jamie saw the words Past Perfect written on the shaft. He had had problems with that before.
Please pay $5.00 or get an F. Jamie hit pay. He only had $30 for the exam. He needed to do better.
The Forbidden Door
I made my way through the inky blackness, walking ninja-like towards the door. A thick chain barred my way. Just like the queen to take such extreme measures to protect her riches. But I knew that she kept the key under her pillow, and I had stolen it.
I unlocked the chain and lowered it silently to the floor. As I drew open the door, a hallowed light burst from the chamber within, revealing the treasure I so desperately sought.
The light snapped on. “Harold, are you getting into the Thanksgiving pies?”
I wiped meringue off my lips. “No, dear.”
Well, I’m not dead, in case any of you were wondering. It wouldn’t be totally implausible, since I dropped off the face of the blogging world for about 3.5 months. Partially, I needed a break, and I have been hard at work on a few large writing projects. Also, I felt bad about posting Friday Fictioneers stories when I didn’t have time to read anyone else’s.
I don’t know if I can come back at full strength, but I will try to post more regularly, if anyone is still around to read my stories.
copyright Bjorn Rudberg
Amateur Night at the Cantina
I shuffled onto the cantina’s stage, clutching my plasma cello with sweaty hands. Hundreds of eyes stared out at me from the gloomy bar, whole constellations of varying colors, shapes and sizes.
I started with some Beethoven, but I quickly felt an undertone of discontent grow in the air. I switched to some Trebellium orchestral music. It was so soaring and grand, it could make your heart weep, but the anger only grew.
“Play the song!” someone finally shouted.
That song. I hated it, but I had no choice if I wanted to escape alive.
I began to play.
(The idea for this story came from a scene from Family Guy’s Blue Harvest, where they joke that in the Mos Eisley cantina, they only play one song.)
copyright Janet Webb
The Old Man and the Seafood
Shoppers meandered around the store in hip waders, shopping carts half submerged.
“How did you come up with this idea?” the reporter asked.
Jeff grinned. “I thought it was about time someone applied the self-pick produce model to seafood. With seafood, freshness is everything. Here, everything is alive up until you buy it. No expiration dates needed.”
An old man shuffled up in oversized boots. “Excuse me, I just need a can of tuna.”
“No cans here, I’m afraid,” Jeff said, throwing the reporter another grin. “Everything’s fresh.” He handed the man a spear gun. “Bluefins are in aisle 30.”
copyright Jan Marler Morrill
That’s been my nickname for six months now. Hey, I’m just a fruit seller, making a living. Maybe even a profit.
“Morning,” I say to the first alien. Twenty are lined up behind him. He slings his rifle, holds up twelve fingers, and I bag up a dozen oranges in exchange for a glowing cube which I guess is money. I’ve got 518 so far.
Later when the aliens all die, scientists discover that the Vitamin C was slowly poisoning them. Suddenly I’m a hero.
The government is really curious about those glowing cubes.
Now the real profit comes.
copyright Rochelle Wisoff-Fields
Night sleet timpanied against the café windows. Jenny sipped her last two dollars in coffee form.
“He’ll come, hon,” the barista said. “He’ll get your message.”
“He wouldn’t want me back. It was a stupid thought.”
Jenny stood. “Thanks anyway for using your phone.”
The door banged. A man in soaked clothes hurried in and spotted Jenny.
“Listen, I’m sorry I ran away, Dad. I’m so sorry I took the money—” Her words were cut off by the man’s crushing hug. Cold tears like night sleet ran down his cheek onto hers.
“Thanks for calling,” he said.
copyright Rich Voza
“We’re gonna get murdered.” I unlocked Donald Trump’s private jet with stolen keys.
“It was your choice,” Jack said. “You wanna switch?”
“No.” I climbed into the cockpit and consulted the WikiTheft page on flying a stolen jet.
Somehow we took off. Somehow we flew to Mexico City and crash-landed in the busiest airport in Central America.
Somehow we spray-painted “To Mexico, love Donny” on the side and escaped the authorities.
“It’s your turn,” I said as we sat on a sidewalk, trying to think how to get home.
Jack looked thoughtful. “I think I’d better pick Truth this time.”