The Laziest Dog in the World

There is a coffee shop in my city that is quite beautiful. It has a large lawn, which is rare for Korean cities, and has a lot of greenery and flowing water inside and out. It also has a large dog outside that is, I swear, the laziest dog in the world. Every time I’ve been there, he’s always sleeping in the same place. He looks like he’s dead, unless you try to pet him, since he’s a bit skittish of strangers. In honor of him, I’ve written a story. I’ve written it in the style of a kid’s story, although of course with my own weird spin.

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The Laziest Dog in the World

Marcus was lazy.

He didn’t chase cats.

He didn’t chase cars.

He didn’t attack mailmen.

If his owner gave him a sausage to eat, he would have to put it in Marcus’ mouth.

Marcus was just that lazy.

One day, the dogcatcher drove by and saw him. “That dog is dead!” he said.

Marcus wasn’t dead, just lazy.

The dogcatcher poked at him.

I should bark to let him know I’m alive, Marcus thought. Then, meh.

The dogcatcher picked him up with a GRUNT!

Marcus was heavy.

He brought him to the pet morgue.

I should wag my tail so they know I’m not dead, Marcus thought. Then, meh.

Marcus lay in the pet morgue for hours.

The table was steel.

It was hard.

It was cold.

Marcus didn’t mind.

Suddenly, his owner burst in.

“That’s my dog!” he said. “He’s not dead. He’s just lazy.”

The dogcatcher looked surprised. “He is?”

The dogcatcher felt Marcus’ heartbeat.

“Yes, he is!” he said. “I should have gotten some training for this job.”

Marcus’ owner carried him home and put him back on the lawn.

I should lick his face to say thank you, Marcus thought. He thought and thought about it.

Meh.

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About David Stewart

I am a writer of anything quirky and weird. I love most genres of fiction and in each there are stories that I would consider "my kind of story". View all posts by David Stewart

7 responses to “The Laziest Dog in the World

  • jaspreetd

    Yes the lazy dog indeed.

  • Joyce

    Love your story, David. Is that dog a Chow? Looks like a Chow. Our dog, Maggie is a mix of part Australian Cattle dog, part Chow and part Shar Pai (we think). We got her from a dog rescue center when she was 3, and she is been such a sweetheart and smart and so sociable. She even survived a snake bite (from a Diamond Head rattler) up on our mountain property last summer, but recovered after being administered anti-venom injections from our CSU Veterinary hospital in Fort Collins. We is very much alive and doing well today. 🙂

  • Joyce

    OOps. LOL I meant to say “She (Maggie) is very much alive and doing well, today.” Sorry for the typo. We are alive and well, also. 🙂

  • Sharmishtha Basu

    this is one of your best piece David. That dog is so beautiful! 🙂
    He really looks dead in this picture, with his fur on his face… is not it tickly?

  • myothervoices

    I’ve got racist dogs near me. As soon as a whitey walks past they begin to bark and snarl

  • Hala J.

    This reminds me a lot of Shel Silverstein’s poem “Lazy Jane” about the girl who waits for it to rain just to drink water. That’s quite the lazy dog, with a hell of a lucky streak!

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