copyright Dawn Q. Landau
Lust by Number
One lonely shack by the shore of an unremembering sea.
Two lovers locked in the frantic embrace of the desperate.
Three days immersed in the depths of sin and escape.
Four men in a skiff, gold band gleaming on the leader.
Five minutes of pain, screams and shots.
Four men recede back over the horizon.
Three days of silence before a fisherman comes to spend a hard-earned weekend, soon spoiled.
Two desperate lovers carried away under sheets, leaving behind the life they pledged each other.
One shack, festooned with yellow tape, sitting lonely by the shore of an unremembering sea.
The Green-Walled Tower 
January 8th, 2014 at 9:23 pm
I LOVE this!!! Well done sir !
January 8th, 2014 at 9:38 pm
Thank you. 🙂 I was pretty happy with it too when I’d finished.
January 8th, 2014 at 9:35 pm
awesome. this blew me away! 🙂 you continue exploring unique styles and it works! 🙂
January 8th, 2014 at 9:43 pm
Thank you! 🙂 Friday Fictioneers is a great place to explore new writing styles.
January 8th, 2014 at 9:50 pm
Wow David, what a fabulous tale of betrayal and payback!
January 8th, 2014 at 10:09 pm
Wow! That is some symmetry. And an amazing way to tell a story.
January 8th, 2014 at 10:12 pm
You keep finding different ways to tell a story – I’m impressed.
January 8th, 2014 at 10:15 pm
Very clever! What a unique way to tell a story. Loved it.
January 8th, 2014 at 10:23 pm
Thank you. 🙂
January 8th, 2014 at 10:46 pm
This was very cool, David. I tip my hat to you.
January 8th, 2014 at 10:54 pm
Thank you, kind sir.
January 8th, 2014 at 11:09 pm
Excellent job, David. Both in form and in content.
January 8th, 2014 at 11:16 pm
Glad you liked it. 🙂
January 8th, 2014 at 11:11 pm
A great structure. I especially like number 5, where you just give us feeling and noise and no images – really well done.
January 8th, 2014 at 11:16 pm
I imagined the whole story from an outside perspective, watching the house from afar and only getting glimpses through the windows. Number 5 especially is only what was heard and deduced.
January 8th, 2014 at 11:24 pm
I, too, like the structure.
January 9th, 2014 at 12:00 am
That was just wow, David
January 9th, 2014 at 12:15 am
🙂 Wow, thanks. You’re awesome.
January 9th, 2014 at 1:24 am
Interesting form, you pull it off nicely. I don’t feel sad for the lovers, as strange as it sounds.
January 9th, 2014 at 2:12 am
Intriguing writing. the story has a Grimm Brothers feel. I enjoyed.
January 9th, 2014 at 2:21 am
Darn! All the fulsome compliments have been used. Ditto to the above and I really liked the form you chose.
janet
January 9th, 2014 at 3:00 am
Starting to expect something totally different from you these days…which is good. Excellent work!
January 9th, 2014 at 4:31 am
Very cool!!!
January 9th, 2014 at 5:40 am
Excellent in every aspect.
January 9th, 2014 at 7:25 am
This story is excellent – the best yet this week.
January 9th, 2014 at 7:36 am
Clever without being forced–well done.
January 9th, 2014 at 8:07 am
Dear David,
After all the comments that say it all….I’ll liken it to Mary Poppins…Practically Perfect in Every Way.
Shalom,
Rochelle
January 9th, 2014 at 9:13 am
That was pretty cool.
January 9th, 2014 at 9:45 am
Nicely done!
January 9th, 2014 at 3:07 pm
Love this! A great flash. I think this is one of your best, David.
January 9th, 2014 at 7:25 pm
Thanks, Amy. Sometimes I’m not totally satisfied with a piece when I’m done, but I thought this one worked.
January 9th, 2014 at 3:47 pm
Very rhythmic, like a prose poem with a twist. Great story, David.
January 9th, 2014 at 4:53 pm
what a terrible end! you created a moving scene David! without saying a word directly about the foul crime!
January 9th, 2014 at 7:24 pm
Thanks. 🙂 It was meant to be a very remote story, as shown by the bookends of the word “lonely”.
January 11th, 2014 at 8:15 pm
very powerful! what are you doing btw, three days no new posts?
January 11th, 2014 at 9:20 pm
I knew you’d say something. 🙂 I’m very lucky to have a friend like you. Just busy and tired. I will post one tonight.
January 11th, 2014 at 10:12 pm
God bless you!
January 12th, 2014 at 12:11 am
Thank you. 🙂 I didn’t get anything posted today but I will tomorrow morning. Hopefully I’ll get out of this tired slump.
January 9th, 2014 at 11:35 pm
I wonder if he still wears the ring.
Nice approach with this. Well done.
January 10th, 2014 at 2:24 am
Sooooooo Creative, David. Very well done work of art.
January 10th, 2014 at 3:40 am
Interesting form, and a well told story David!
January 10th, 2014 at 10:00 am
Dave, each week your work amazes me! I love the way you experiment with different story styles and presentations. This was haunting and powerful. The reader is kept at a distance, as if watching a scene unfold, but silenced. I loved that. Bravo!
January 10th, 2014 at 2:44 pm
Nicely done!
January 10th, 2014 at 8:17 pm
Dear David,
You’re on the ‘read’ list for a reason.. Well done.
Aloha,
Doug
January 11th, 2014 at 1:49 am
My goodness, a very lovely disaster for these two, but why did you choose to use numbers?
January 13th, 2014 at 6:34 pm
I’m not sure why I used numbers, except the idea came to me. Because it was such a stark, almost over-simplistic way to tell the story, it helped distance the reader from the action, as if we’re watching it all from afar. Also, I liked the symmetry of counting up, then down: starting and ending with the shack all by itself.
January 11th, 2014 at 4:47 am
A lot of story in those lines. Good work.
January 13th, 2014 at 6:31 pm
Thanks. 🙂
January 11th, 2014 at 1:02 pm
Wow – I love this. Lust by Number is true talent – magnificent and elegant. Suspenseful – perfect – just perfect! Thank you! Nan
January 13th, 2014 at 6:30 pm
Thank you. 🙂
January 11th, 2014 at 4:16 pm
First – form is brilliant
Second – content is chilling
Third – I love it
January 13th, 2014 at 6:30 pm
Thank you on counts. Glad you liked it.