Well, it’s Friday Fictioneers time again. First of all, my apologies for not being able to read very many stories last week. I was out in the mountains for most of the week and even though I had a smart phone, it is very difficult to read a lot on it as well as write meaningful comments. I will do better this week.
Teenager, blue hat:
“They say the house’s invisible; only the doors are visible.”
Teenager, smoking:
“I heard it’s haunted.”
Teenager, red hair:
“My brother’s friend knew a guy who said the red one leads to Hell.”
Blue hat:
“I heard if you say ‘bloody skull’ in front of the white one at midnight, a witch appears.”
Red hair:
“They say they glow on Halloween.”
Smoking:
“They oughta know.”
Old man, long scar, approaches:
“I got caught in the white door when I was young. There really is a witch there.”
All three:
“Shut up, old man. You’re such a liar!”
September 25th, 2013 at 9:21 pm
so like teens
no room for outside input
great use of the doors David
September 25th, 2013 at 11:19 pm
yep, they almost know best.
September 25th, 2013 at 9:24 pm
very well-crafted. I love the opening remark. delicious
September 25th, 2013 at 11:19 pm
Thank you. I’m very interesting with hearsay and how it develops. It seems a lot of things people “know” start with “they say…”
September 25th, 2013 at 9:31 pm
Very clever, ace job 🙂
September 25th, 2013 at 11:15 pm
Thanks. 🙂
September 25th, 2013 at 9:54 pm
That’s awesome. “Shut up old man. You’re such a liar” Perfect 🙂
September 25th, 2013 at 11:15 pm
Typical teens, almost knowing more than everyone else. 🙂
September 25th, 2013 at 11:26 pm
There was a sign in a bar once:
Hire a teenager whilst they still know everything
September 25th, 2013 at 10:28 pm
Old Man: “Yeah, the witch was my ex-wife. She rides vacuum cleaners!”
September 26th, 2013 at 12:30 am
Hahah – that’s a great one! The teenagers are perfect. I love how the old man has a scar but they still don’t believe him.
September 26th, 2013 at 12:40 am
Less than one year until I’m not a teenager. will all my “knowledge” slowly disappear or will it gradually fade?
September 26th, 2013 at 12:53 am
He might just be telling the truth.
Thanks for sharing.
September 26th, 2013 at 4:32 am
great story, I love the idea of the invisible houses behind the doors…very inspiring !
September 26th, 2013 at 8:28 am
I could really visualize the scene. I really enjoyed it.
September 26th, 2013 at 9:13 am
imaginative teenagers.. so many speculations
September 26th, 2013 at 3:01 pm
Love this. Great final line!
September 26th, 2013 at 7:16 pm
Dear Dave,
I am left with the image of the long scar and a bad feeling for the boys. They exhibit little in the way of intelligence, empathy or experience. Good story.
Aloha,
Doug
September 26th, 2013 at 8:58 pm
Doug,
Yeah, they’re a bit oblivious; a product of their time or age, I suppose. The moral of the story, I suppose, is that when it comes to the fantastic, hearsay is much more credible than personal experience. Thanks for the comments,
David
September 26th, 2013 at 7:18 pm
Dear David,
I enjoyed your unique construction. It put me there with clear images. Pity the kids refuse to listen to the voice of experience. I guess they will have to suffer they’re own wounds and scars. Well done.
shalom,
Rochelle
September 26th, 2013 at 8:59 pm
Experience is the best teacher, I guess, although they could avoid some pain, perhaps, by learning from the experience of the old man. C’est la vie, I guess.
September 26th, 2013 at 8:52 pm
If they’re anything like me when I was a teen, they’ll find out soon enough whether the old man was lying. That which doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, right? They just might be the old men warning the stubborn teenagers one day.
September 26th, 2013 at 9:01 pm
Hopefully it won’t kill them. Who knows how many friends were with the old man when he was young? But that is a story for another day.
September 26th, 2013 at 9:06 pm
Some would say death is a small price to pay for the adventure of a lifetime.
September 26th, 2013 at 9:04 pm
brats 🙂
September 26th, 2013 at 10:42 pm
This made me think of a cool, surreal one-act play. I liked the whole thing, and your first sentence is especially clever, to flip the doors as part of houses instead of simply doors by themselves.
September 26th, 2013 at 11:17 pm
Real life.
Wonderful.
September 27th, 2013 at 1:05 am
Love the many perspectives. So interesting that those who speculate weren’t interested in the one whose been there. A fascinating piece!
September 27th, 2013 at 3:51 am
Talk about generational, just as you said on my blog! Cute story.
September 27th, 2013 at 6:26 am
Maybe these kids have something coming. A perfect set-up for a horror story. Or do you see it going that way at all? Very clever, David.
September 27th, 2013 at 7:00 am
Too bad there are not so many choosing the blue door with the window to see what or who is on the other side, huh? 🙂 Too much uncertainty behind the white and read doors.
September 27th, 2013 at 7:01 am
Whoops. I mean ‘red’ door. Sorry for the typo.
September 27th, 2013 at 8:53 am
Oh I loved this! I have a feeling they’re going to learn the hard way on this one!
September 27th, 2013 at 9:48 pm
lol. loved the ending. i feel sorry for the old man. ^^
September 28th, 2013 at 5:59 am
Never listen to advice of elders… yes that’s a great end. Also love the script form of your piece… hope you enjoyed your mountain trip
September 28th, 2013 at 5:36 pm
I loved the idea of the house being invisible and only the doors showing. However, I was not happy with the old man. I think he should have given them some false advice – such as it being absolutely fine to walk through a door. A bag of gold behind the blue door? Perhaps the Morrisey twins behind the red door?
September 28th, 2013 at 6:00 pm
That would have a cool twist, maybe served them right too.
September 30th, 2013 at 7:38 am
I like the format of your story, David. And you’ve really ‘got’ teenagers, I think: full of fear, imagination, arrogance and rudeness!